Honesty

Happy Monday everyone, and Happy HOLIDAY Monday to all you celebrating Memorial Day!

It is also time to wish a Happy 5th Birthday to my favorite little princess.

She had a wonderful little Barbie themed birthday on the weekend, and was one happy Birthday girl. How couldn’t she be with this awesome cake made be her other Auntie?

And I was happy as these were Gluten Free cupcakes! And man were they delicious.

 

So, I only have today and tomorrow left on the island before I get back on that dreaded ferry to head to our new home. Clearly, I’m excited and am counting down the seconds. These last few days here have been hard; extremely hard.

I have a family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have a great Mother, a brother I’m quite close to, and the greatest cousins, grandparents, and aunt and uncle. However, after being gone for three years, I can’t help but feeling like I “don’t fit in”.

My family is a bit complex, perhaps too complex to ever fully explain on this blog. Some of my best friends don’t understand the elements of my family, so I’ll do my best to make sense! My Mom married her second husband, my step-father, when I was 4. He had two daughters from his previous marriage and my mom had us. They ended up separating when I was a teenager, however after spending most of my life with step-sisters, I still refer to them as my sisters.

I haven’t talked to these girls in years, and when they were at a family dinner this weekend (I’m telling you, complex), I immediately realized how much my family continued to change while I was gone. Everyone had strong relationships with these girls, and I had nothing to say. And me having nothing to say is one rare occasion.

I kept a smile on, spoke at appropriate times, and hugged them goodbye when they left. I then promptly called Chris as I burst into tears. That’s when it clicked; this is my biological family, however this is not my home. This is not my comfort zone. Home is now wherever Chris, Scot, and I lay our heads at night. Home is where I can display my feelings, and be in some sort of control over my life. They say that “home is where the heart is”, and my heart is over in Chilliwack, and it’s about time I caught up to it.

Have you ever felt like you just didn’t fit in somewhere you thought you belonged? Where do you consider home? Big plans for the holiday?

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About carlydeal

My name is Carly and I live in beautiful British Columbia, Canada! I work for a non-profit organization and spend my free time upgrading my education, snuggling with my LIB and kitty, working out, cooking, and reading.
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11 Responses to Honesty

  1. What a fun cake! I’m glad the gluten free cupcakes tasted yummy 🙂
    I’ve also experienced the home isn’t home feeling, and it is really odd. My parents moved when I was 22 (and I had just moved in with the now hubs). They left my favorite house, moved across the country, and then moved back to my “home town” when I was 25. Home is now with the hubs. Not this is a bad thing, but I miss the comfort of “home” ya know? (not that my mom doesn’t treat me like I still live there, ie having me clean the house, haha)

    • carlydeal says:

      My Mom moved in with her boyfriend, so I definitely understand missing the comfort of home!! I am definitely a guest in this house.
      I guess it’s because I don’t have kids, it seems weird to refer to my “family” as just Chris and I, and of course my cat 🙂

  2. I’m sorry you didn’t feel 100% comfortable at home. I think it’s a stage everyone eventually reaches.

    As much as I love my immediate family, I feel most at home with my Auntie and Gran, half way across the country from my parents and brother. I haven’t lived with my parents for over 2 years now, so it’s no big surprise that I don’t consider it my home anymore. More and more, I’m getting to where you are, in that I think of myself as having two homes now; with my Auntie and with my friends.

  3. bakebooks says:

    What a beautiful post. I course I feel like that…we grow up, we change. It’s sad in many ways..but also inevitable.

    Chilliwack hey? Hmm…I should head out that way 🙂

  4. Oh do I understand every word written here about “home.” The part that struck a cord with me is “home is where I can be in some sort of control.” That is precisely it. Some of the hardest days for me in Spain are when I just feel out of control.

    Many hugs to you! It’s hard, but I think we are both blessed. To be loved in different places… and to truly know where home is… and who that’s with.

  5. I totally agree with on the home being the place where you can be yourself! I think that happens as you get older if you don’t live/grow in the same area as your family. I definitely am not myself when we visit the in-laws or my family, not completely anyway. Home is here, with my husband, kids and furry kids!

    Your little princess is adorable! Good luck with the move!!

  6. MMM Yum I want cupcakes now!! Sorry you had an emotional dinner, I know how you feel. It’s good to have a place and people to call home though.

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